Just hit it already!!!

I hated Spring Break. The island was full of loud, drunk, obnoxious, over sexed teenagers, with fake IDs and daddy’s credit card. I myself was only 24, and still, they made me feel mature in comparison. It was even worse when they hit the gaming tables.

“So what do I have?” she asked.

I looked at her hand in disbelief. I could tell she was no Einstein, but seriously? She had a four and a three of spades.

“Seven.” I told her. “You have seven.”

“I should hit that, right?”

“Right.” I nodded. I gave her a two.

“So what do I have?”

Really? Normally, I would hit their hands until they totaled twelve or more, but after dealing to her for half an hour, I was totally tired of her kindergarten math. I had decided to just let her figure it out. It was amusing to both me and the floor person.

“You have nine.” This was going to be a long shift

“Okay, so I should hit that, right?”

“Right!” Dear mother of God! Someone give this girl an abacus! I gave her another two.

“Eleven.” I stated.

“Or twenty-one, right?” She clapped her hands.

“Noooo.” I corrected her “Remember? I said an ace was one or eleven. You have four cards, it’s just eleven.”

“Awww!” She pouted. “So I should hit that, right?”

“Riiiiight!” My evil twin, ‘Bitch Shirley’ was fighting to come out. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold her back. A three. What the hell? Could this hand get any worse. The guy on the last seat shook his head. He was waiting for the hand to be over, so he could get the hell off this table.

“Twelve, thirteen, fourteen!” She cried jubilantly. She looked at my ten. “I should hit that right?” I nodded, I had nothing left, in the way of agreement.

“I’m not hitting it!” she announced. “You’re going to give me a ten!”

I had already moved on to the next hand, at ‘I’m not’. I gave the next player a five.

“Awww!” she whined. “”So what would I have had?”

“Not enough!” I informed her, turning over my twenty.

The sad thing was, she was just about to graduate from nursing school in New Jersey. I was very happy I didn’t live in New Jersey, and need medical attention. I could see it now.

“So two pills, three times a day, that’s nine, right?”

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